Funny Bits of “Dear”

These came from a friend and colleague today. Anyone up for any Comments?

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because
some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy, OK?

Sincerely,
The Mayans
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Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn’t leaving ’til 5.

Sincerely,
Unicorns

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Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood
pumping through them, they can never get an e*ection.  Enjoy
fantasizing about that.

Sincerely,
Logic

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Dear Yahoo,
I’ve never heard anyone say, “I don’t know – let’s Yahoo! it.” Just saying…

Sincerely,
Google

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Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black — WTF happened?!

Sincerely,
1985

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Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea… Just kidding! They’re all dead.

Sincerely,
BP

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Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color…

Sincerely,
Black people

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Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain… no one wants to run with me either.

Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

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Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.

Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

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Dear Ugly People,
You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
Alcohol

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Dear White People,
Don’t you just hate immigrants?

Sincerely,
Native Americans

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Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words, you
piece of shut.

Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

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Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up…

Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

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Dear Man,
It’s cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?

Sincerely,
Elephant

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Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there’s only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
was here first.

Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper